Regrets
by Kipcha
Summary: And one thing I regret is, falling in love with Sakura Kinomoto. The thing I regret most, well, we'll get to that at the end of my story.


_Disclaimer: I do not own Cardcaptor Sakura_

_And so you know, this is my first attempt at this style of fic. These events do not happen one right after the other, but with monthes in between unless it is stated somewhere in the paragraph otherwise._

* * *

My name is Syaoran Li and I have done many terrible things in my life time. I have shunned people who try to help me and have insulted random strangers when they try to introduce themselves. I was at one time, a bully of sorts, although I am no longer like that, but we'll get to the reason why that is later. I'm brash and quick to judge people based entirely on first impressions. I'm not a social person and tend to not do well in a situation where I have to rely on others. I'm not overly honest. I'm impulsive and lmost never really give people and honest chance to get close to me. Indeed, I have done many things that I regret, but there are only two things I regret so much I wish I could take back more then anything.

And one thing I regret is,

Falling in love with Sakura Kinomoto.

* * *

She... Was different.

That was my first thought when I saw when I was twelve years old as she read a fantasy novel to a collection of second graders that sat in a circle around her feet. They stared up at her with avid fascination as she spoke of the wizard boy visiting a zoo and releasing a boa constrictor from its glass tank, but her story telling skills were not what had drawn my attention to her.

She was gorgeous. Emerald eyes that were wide and innocent, something I rarely saw, and auburn hair that fell to her shoulders, her bangs framing her face perfectly. A dazzling smile lit her face as she gazed down at the fascinated children, almost causing her to glow in the dim library I sat in. But something about this innocence annoyed me. A childhood was something I had not been allowed to have and she seemed to have quite the plentiful one.

I made the decision right then and there that I did not like her.

I visited here nearly every day. I always enjoyed libraries, mainly because they're almost always silent. I enjoyed the quiet and calm, something else that I rarely got at home. When you had four sisters and Meilin back in Hong Kong, small trips to Japan on my own were always welcome and I never grew tired of this library in particular. It was incredibly old and perhaps that was what calmed me. It emitted an ancient aura that soothed mine.

I didn't notice her stop reading and bustle the children back to their teacher, but continued to stare. She wore a long white skirt that fluttered around her ankles when she walked and a pink tank top with white trim that I was amused to see had a pair of white wings sewn onto the back.

She stretched, it was obvious she had been sitting in one position for a while and she arched her back, exposing her stomach. When I did finally notice my staring, it was at the same time as her and she blushed, quickly returning to a posture that covered her tummy. Still red faced, she lowered her head and walked into a staff only room. Oblivious to her eyes that continued to watch me, I continued my reading.

* * *

"So, I guess you come here fairly often?" Questioned a musical voice and I turned my amber eyes to her emerald ones in annoyance. They smiled down at me brightly, although they remained a little sheepish, obviously remembering our last encounter which was a mere two days ago. "I am going to be working here for the summer, you know."

"Really?" I muttered, hoping she would go away. All I wanted was my silence and she was breaking it. I had far more important things to worry about.

"Why do you come to this library?" She asked, her expression one of true curiosity. "I mean, its not very big and according to my Onii-chan up at the front desk, you come here almost every day. Or, at least, you have for the past two months."

"Your brother is that jerk up there?" I asked, genuinly surprised. They looked literally nothing alike and whenever I would leave around closing time, I could feel the glare on his back, although he had no idea what he had done to offend him.

Sakura rolled her green eyes playfully. Idly, I realised her eyes were my favourite color. "Yes, Touya is my Onii-chan. I guess he doesn't really give off a good first impression, hey?"

I shook my head, returning to my book._ Please, just leave..._

"Wow, Chinese legends!" She stated, her eyes brightening, "I have wanted to read some of them for a while now, but just haven't gotten around to it."

"They're fascinating." I mumbled. No doubt she had no idea how personal these stories were. After all, I am next in line to become leader of the Li Clan and a magic holder myself. There was no way this girl could understand the complexity of magic. "I really enjoy reading them when it's quiet and I'm alone."

I hoped she would get the subtle hint.

"So..."

Hmm, not so lucky, it seemed.

"Look, not to be rude," I interrupted coolly, glaring up at her, which obviously caught her by surprise since she flinched back a bit at my tone and expression, "But I would really like to finish this legend and be able to leave as soon as possible. I do have other things to do and would prefer not to be interrupted by an immature little girl."

She appeared hurt for a moment before her emerald eyes hardened. "Well, excuse me, sir, but there is such a thing as a library card. You could just take the book home with you."

I rolled my eyes, pleased at making her angry. At least she didn't cry. I hate it when girls cry. "I am aware of that, but perhaps I like to read here. Usually its because there are no blabbermouths running around, but it seems an exception was made for you today." Good, now she could just stomp off and be out of my hair.

"Well, excuse me for trying to be polite." She snapped, standing straight, "If you don't mind, I think this blabbermouth had more important things to do then talk to a rude jerk!" And with that, she huffed and walked between a book aisle and I tried hard to keep from laughing when I saw where she went.

Immediately, she backed out, incredibly red-faced, apologising to an older man who stared at her blankly, before returning her gaze to me. She looked incredibly sheepish. "Hehe..." She stalked off, but I could hear her mutter under her breath. "Good job Sakura, nice dramatic exit. Figures you walk right into the hentai section."

I'm sure she could hear my snickers from across the library.

* * *

As usual, I continued to come to the library, searching for clues. I had come to Japan because the elders of the Li clan had alerted me to the fact that someone had accidentally released the Clow Cards, a group of magical items that held enormous amounts of power and in the Li clans hands, it would be just the boost we needed to gain more status then we already had. A movement to my right caused me to look over before returning to the page I was reading with a scowl.

"Listen." She whispered, twiddling her fingers, "I think we may not have started off on the right foot. My name is Kinomoto Sakura, what's yours?"

"Li." I grunted, and she looked at me confusedly.

"Just Li?" She questioned.

"Yes." I replied shortly.

She shrugged. "Alright Li-kun! What school do you..."

"I would prefer not to chat." I snapped and she fell silent. I continued to read, absorbing the text with fascination. Ceroberos, the beast with golden eyes...

"Kero-chan."

"What?" I glanced over at her and her hand was clamped over her mouth, her emerald eyes wide as they looked at me. She removed said hand and tried her best at an innocent look, whiched caused my eye brow to raise in suspicion.

"What did you just say?" I ask, slightly amused at the expression on her face.

"Umm... Marzipan!"

My eyebrow raises higher. "Marzipan?"

"Yeah!" She nods frantically, "Haha, well, I better be going. After all, you have to finish reading! Yeah, so... Bye!" She disappears down an aisle and I chuckle to myself, although I am curious to what she said. Could she?...

No, no way was that girl connected to the Clow Cards.

* * *

"Kero-chan, I told you that you could come if you behaved!" Mumbled an exasperated voice and I recognise it as Kinomoto. After all, she had talked to me every day for the past month or so. I was slightly disappointed, I was surprised to find, when I realised that she would be going back to school soon. I was more disappointed to realise that I had been here for monthes now and not even caught a glimpse of a single Clow Card. I wonder what school she would be attending...

I shake my head to clear it of unwanted thoughts and stand, stalking over to the aisle with practiced stealth.

"Aww, but Sakura, I haven't eaten in an hour!" Screeched a voice with an osaka accent and curiously, I peeked around the corner.

"Kero-chan, keep your voice down!" Scolded Sakura, pointing her index finger at a small, floating stuffed animal, a disapproving look on her face, "What if someone finds you!"

"Then give me cake!" Exclaimed to toy enthusiastically, "I, Ceroberos, need strength to support..."

"KERO-CHAN!" Screeched Sakura, much louder then she intended, but she didn't silence him fast enough. I stalked smoothly into the aisle, my eyes blazing as Sakura gazed at me with confusion, momentarily forgetting her floating guardian.

"Li-kun?" She questioned, tilting her head to one side, "I didn't know you were here yet?"

"You're the Card Mistress?" I snarled and she jumped in confusion, her head tilting to the side as she looked at me in bafflement. The stuffed animal leapt to her aid.

"Hey, she's the Cardcaptor brat and I don't like your tone!" He snarled, but Sakura hurriedly pulled the yellow creature to her chest, taking a step towards me.

"You know about the Clow Cards?" She questioned and I nodded stiffly. I felt surprisingly reluctant, knowing what I was going to have to do.

"They're why I came to Japan, I need to capture them and return to my clan. That is the only way I will be allowed to return." She continues to stare at me, trying to absorb this information.

"But I have only captured a few." She muttered, more to herself then to him, "But they're still mine. I... I can't give them to you Li-kun. I promised Kero-chan I would collect them since I was the one that released them in the first place. It was an accident, I just opened the book and accidentally used Windy and they all went away, across Tomodae."

Great, I thought to myself, just great. The captor had already been chosen, she was the only one who could seal them now. Figures that it would be her, someone who could let some of the most powerful magical items in existence loose 'by accident'.

"Well then, I am going to have to start helping you now." I snapped, "I can't leave these cards to an amatuer."

"Your going to help me?" She questioned, eyes brightening and I noticed Ceroberos glaring at me from her arms. Obviously, he wasn't sharing in his Mistress's excitement.

"I will challenge you for possession afterwards." I say quickly, before she gets the wrong idea, but she's already beaming at me. Not good. I was losing the will to snap at her anymore, I'd have to work on that. "I'm going to fight you for them when we're done... But I, Syaoran Li, will help you collect the cards and I will not challenge you until your duty it complete. But I will, as soon as your done collecting them all."

"Thanks Li-kun!" She exclaims, throwing her arms around my back and for the first time in nine years, I stumbled in surprise and nearly fell to the ground in shock, my face turning a rather bright shade of red. Sakura obviously didn't notice my discomfort, because she continued to strangle me.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She chanted happily. She pulled back, her smale dazzling me for a moment. "Me and Kero-chan and Tomoyo-chan are all going out on patrol tonight, looking for the cards, so can you help us?"

I nod dumbly, partially unaware what I am agreeing to. What just happened...?

She cheers happily, completely forgetting that we were in a library. "Alright, meet us at Penguin Park at six, alright?" She looks at me blankly for a moment. "You know where that is, right Li-kun? I keep forgetting, you're just visiting..."

I nod again and she smiles. "Good, see you tonight!"

What had I gotten myself into?

* * *

"LI-KUN!" I hear her scream and my gaze turns to her. Perhaps fighting the Bubble on the rooftop of the school had not been one of our brightest ideas since it was now slippery and it was taking all of my concentration just to stay up and keep from sliding off the slope. Sakura was sliding quite rapidly towards the edge of the roof, her arms flailing as she attempted to right herself but continued her fast descent towards the edge. I felt my heart speed as I leaped towards her.

I felt my heart stop when she disappeared over the edge.

"No, SAKURA!" I hear leave me and reach over the edge, catching her hand in my own slippery one. Heaving with all my strength, I pull her up back onto the roof, ignoring the pink bubbles that advanced on us. I was surprised when I was met with a brightly smiling face.

"You called me Sakura!" She chirped, and I immediately flushed, looking away from her but not denying it. My heart seemed to race a mile a minute again and I cursed my easy blush reflex. I had never had a problem with this before...

"That made me really happy." She tells me softly, smiling at me. "Can I... Umm, call you Syaoran-kun?"

I flush deeper and really hope she doesn't notice. "Do whatever you want."

She smiles again, more brightly then before and turned back to the Bubble, her sealing wand held high above her head.

* * *

That bastard, Hiiragazawa, I seethe, watching as he talks with Sakura. My scowl deepens when she laughs at something he says and I feel my heart twist painfully. When had I allowed myself to grow so weak in her presence? Why did I... care so much?

Jealousy, I realise coldly, is a hard thing to cope with. This could be a problem. Especially since I had not yet challenged her for the cards, yet I know I cannot return home without them. But the mere thought of causing her any sort of pain causes a confusing emotion in me and I cannot bring myself to challenge her.

I glare at Daidoji when I realise she's smirking at me. She knows my secret and I just hope she doesn't reveal it to anyone. Not yet.

* * *

"Good job." I congratulate as the girl heaves heavy breaths, obviously a little worn out from our training. After being able to transform all the Clow Cards into Sakura Cards, not only had my chance of ownership of them vanished, but it had also increased her own magical power and it definitely showed. Ceroberos stood in lion form behind her, eyeing me like I was prey. I'm sure he knows of my secret as well, but pretends not to. Come to think of it, it seems Sakura is the only one who can't figure it out and for that, I am thankful.

However, I am aware of what must happen soon and I have been dreading it since the cards were completely changed. The arrangements had already been made, it was only a matter of time until I was forced to board that plane and return to Hong Kong from the place I had called home for two years now.

"Thanks Syaoran-kun." She smiles and unthinkingly grabs my hand, which causes me to suddenly turn into a chameleon and change bright red, a reaction I had grown quite used to. Only three more days to tell her... Only three more days...

I stop and she looks at me quizzically. I ignore her for a moment and turn to Ceroberos.

"I know you may not approve." I state quietly, "But can I have a few minutes alone?"

The golden lion stares at me for a moment before nodding his head and taking off without a word. I cautiously turn back to Sakura and remove my hand from hers, fiddling nervously with my shirt. Her smile shrinks a little, and a worried look enters her expressive emerald eyes.

"Syaoran-kun, are you okay?" She asks and I smile slightly.

"Yeah..." I saw, trying to draw in deep breaths, "Umm, I just wanted to say... Umm... I lo..."

"HOEE!" Shrieked Sakura loudly, cutting me off and causing me to jump, surprised, "Sorry, Syaoran-kun, but I twenty minutes past curfew!" She groans, shooting me an apologetic look, "Onii-chan will kill me if I'm not home soon."

I nod silently. So close...

With a final apology, she dashes off into the night and I stand rigidly for a moment. I wasn't able to. Staring at the ground, I begin to head home.

Two more days...

* * *

I stand at the airport, staring determinedly at my feet while Tomoyo and Sakura fuss over me, both teary eyed. I had been surprised, I didn't think they really cared that much. Wei waits for me a small ways off, a soft smile on his elderly face. I glance up to see Sakura about ready to cry, which shocks me. There is a difference between becoming teary eyed and looking like your going to break down any second. I want nothing more then to take her in my arms, tell her everything will be fine, but I know I can't. It's not my place, no matter how much I desire it is.

Tomoyo's violet eyes were moist to, though nowhere near as bad as Sakura's. She looks at me with a disappointed expression and I know why. She had been trying to draw a confession from me since day one and had failed on her mission. She pats me on the shoulder once more, a small smile on her face, before leaving me and Sakura alone together. An awkward silence draws as people bustle past us, impatient with the long lines and crabby staff that always come with the airport.

"I'll miss you, Syaoran-kun." She whispers so softly I almost miss it. She turns her emerald eyes up at me and I see tears racing down her cheeks. Before I realise what I'm doing, I wipe them away, wanting them to stop more then anything.

"Don't cry, Sakura." I mutter and I here her gasp slightly as I use her name. I smirk. "Come on, I can't have the person that beat me crying now, can I?"

Sakura gives a watery laugh before wiping her eyes, although more tears flow and take their place.

"I wish you told me you were leaving earlier." She mumbles and I smile sadly.

"Sorry." I swallow and making the bravest move I have ever made, wrap my arms around her. She stiffens for a moment before returning my embrace. I feel a hand touch my shoulder and I see Wei looking at me regretfully.

"I apologise, Syaoran-sama, but we must leave now." He says and I nod, releasing Sakura. Trying my best to look dignified, I turn and begin walking down the long aisle that would eventually lead me to the plane that would return me to Hong Kong... The plane that would take me away from Sakura. With one last glance back, I see Tomoyo hugging her as she cries and feel my heart wrench, every part of me screaming to return to her and hold her myself, tell her I love her...

But I am too much of a coward. Even with all those tears, I am still in doubt. I don't want to get hurt.

So, I continue onto the plane, passing nameless faces as I take my seat.

Yes, one thing I will always regret is falling in love with Sakura Kinomoto, because as I feel the plane begin to move so that it may take far away from her I know that I may never see her again. But the number one thing I will always regret more then that,

Is that I was never able to tell her.

* * *

__

Moral of the story: Just because you feel insecure about love, it isn't something that should be pushed down and hidden, and you should tell the person if you feel strongly enough. After all, if you don't, you may regret it for the rest of your life.


End file.
